It’s important to recognize that Andy & I were already married by our rabbi on August 8, 2004, in the eyes of God and our close family and friends. Nonetheless, we commemorate today the third anniversary of our “legal” marriage in California on June 21, 2008. California began marrying same–sex couples legally on Tuesday, June 17, 2008, and Andy & I drove Friday night to get to San Diego so we could be married the first day we could. It was not just a political statement, since we were already married and still are, but we did it for political and legal reasons. We went to show California that same–sex couples demanded legal marriage. As it turned out, we were married by a sweet young man who had been deputized for the occasion and was as sympathetic to our cause as can be, and we were blessed to have a few of our closest friends and my mother there to join us. It was, as you can see in the video, a heartfelt, tearful, and joyful occasion. This should not be an ephemeral phenomenon. Same–sex marriage should become legal throughout the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. It’s way past due.

Some people make fun of me for posting photos of my food (my husband included). No, wait– people make fun of me for taking photos of my food. The posting part is beyond belief. Other people say, "I love your food pictures!" Or, "Thanks a lot, Daniel. Now I’m hungry!"

I like taking photos of food because food is beautiful, food is delicious, food is comforting and nourishing. Eating is not being hungry. Eating healthy food is being healthy. A good plate of food is supposed to delight your eye and make your mouth water. A good plate of food is an accomplishment– it means you earned your food, you planned your meal (or improvised it), you prepared (and/or cooked) your food, and you plated it with love and gusto.

This meal was a collaboration between me and my husband. He marinated the chicken while I was at work. After I came home, he grilled the chicken while I soaked some croutons in Caesar dressing, tossed in some bagged romaine lettuce, and shredded some parmegiano reggiano cheese. While I was slicing the rind off part of the cheese, I nicked my thumb and drew a bit of blood (it didn’t get on the food). Andy put a bandage on my thumb and I put it up to his lips so he could "kiss it and make it better." I smiled and said, "That was almost worth getting a boo-boo for." And then we ate our meal together.

So I take this photo to celebrate the glory of food, to express thanks for the food I receive, and to remember the love, humor, and partnership that went into making this simple meal. It is a blessing.

When I heard this on the radio in the car this afternoon, I could not help but beam with joy. I didn’t mean to have such an emotional reaction to the news; it just bubbled up from within. Regardless of whether or not the inevitable appeal against this ruling is upheld in the next hearing (which I don’t think it will be), this is a great step forward for equal rights.

Andy & I were legally married in California the first Saturday same-sex marriages were performed: June 21, 2008. Our marriage was upheld even after Prop 8. Still, it is meaningless where we live in Arizona. I have hope that this new ruling will set a precedent for similar rulings in other states.

I think the gay marriage argument is simple: opposite-sex couples have nothing to lose by same-sex marriage while same-sex couple have much to gain. The idea that “marriage is between a man and a woman” is Biblical at best and arrogant at worst. There is simply no reason a man and a man or a woman and a woman shouldn’t be allowed to marry if they want to. Separation of church and state; equal rights for all. That’s the American way.

Related posts from Smithers–Greene:

• Just Married!
• Our California Same-Sex Civil Marriage Ceremony

Andy & I had already been married by our rabbi at Dor Hadash in San Diego on August 8, 2004, but we jumped at the chance to make our partnership legal in California the first Saturday they performed these civil marriages: June 21, 2008. We were married at about 5:30 PM by a deputy named Michael, whom I recognized from the gay community. My friend Paul took this video with my Canon G9 camera, my mom and Andy’s friend David were witnesses, and also present were my mom’s friend Honey and David’s boyfriend Rich. There was an assistant in the room as well.

At the time we were married, this file was too large to upload to YouTube, I didn’t have the software to facilitate closed-captioning it, and YouTube didn’t yet allow for captions to be uploaded to accompany videos. Now, a year later, “we have the technology” (to quote from the opening sequence of The Six Million Dollar Man), and I have the honor of reliving this moment and crying at the wonder of it all.

I just want to say this: Love is gr8. Repeal Prop h8!

I’m posting this on the one-week anniversary of our legal same-sex marriage in California. Since I took it with my Sidekick and uploaded it to Flickr right after our civil ceremony, it’s been viewed (as of this writing) 199 times, had received 53 comments, and 6 people call it a favorite.

A million thanks to all who made it possible for us to get married legally!

This is dedicated to a colleague’s son who died suddenly last week at the age of 4. I attended his funeral at a Mormon church yesterday. The first order of service was singing a hymn called “Families Can Be Together Forever” whose lyrics resonated with me, a gay Jewish man:

“I have a family here on earth.
They are so good to me.
I want to share my life with them
Through all eternity.
Families can be together forever
Though Heavenly Father’s plan.
I always want to be with my own family
And the Lord has shown me how I can.”

(Words: Ruth Muir Gardner, Music: Vanja Y. Watkins)

It is interesting that I heard this song the day after watching the movie Juno and being struck by a line spoken by Ellen Page’s character: “I just need to know that two people can be happy and stay together forever.”

I do believe they can, and it doesn’t matter what religion or sexual preference they are. My grandparents were married for over 64 years before my grandmother died. Andy & I married for life. We’ll be married four years in August, and we intend to stay together “forever” (on the question of life after death, I’m agnostic). In the short time that Andy & I have been together, we’ve seen couples comes and go. But we’ve also known couples, both gay and straight, who have been together for decades. So, although families don’t always stay together forever, they can, and I dedicate this image to the little boy who brought me to a moving reminder of that truth. The little boy loved bubble gum, so that’s what I used to spell out the word Families on our neighbor Elva’s green grass lawn.

Here are a couple of valuable links I came across when searching for the lyrics to this song:

1. The sheet music on the LDS Church Website.
2. The perspective of an LDS woman who taught primary school yet grew up in a broken home. It’s called When Families Aren’t Forever.

When Andy & I got home from our anniversary dinner, we arranged the gifts we’d received and given each other on a little table so I could take a commemorative photo. Thanks to our neighbor Elva for the beautiful pink roses.